Unique relationship leads to special book of poems

Staff Writer
Mother helps her autistic daughter communicate with the world

FARRAH MAFFAI Autumn Fan, of Holmdel, and her daughter, Jennifer, talk about Jennifer’s new book, Cinderella With Wrong Shoes: Poems by a Young Woman With Autism, during a visit to Holmdel Park.

Holmdel resident Jennifer Fan is a beautiful young woman, with long dark hair and the eyes of a doe. When she speaks, her words reflect a beautiful, gentle nature. Mostly, she listens.

Quietly, she absorbs the sights and sounds, and files the information away somewhere in her memory bank. Her mother, Autumn, who is Jennifer’s usual and nearly constant companion, provides a comforting presence for her daughter while helping her to communicate with a world that can be overwhelming and confusing.

One of the results of their close relationship is a book of poems titled Cinderella With Wrong Shoes: Poems by a Young Woman With Autism, written by Jennifer, with some assistance from her mother, and published in January 2002, by iUniverse.

Jennifer was diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome, a form of higher functioning autism, after years of struggling through a special education program in the Holmdel school system, being labeled as a student with attention deficit disorder (ADD), and, ultimately, suffering a rapid and sudden mental breakdown two years ago, at the age of 23.

FARRAH MAFFAI Autumn Fan, Holmdel, and her daughter Jennifer enjoy a stroll at Holmdel Park.

According to Autumn, "The discovery of Jen’s condition gave us an explanation for the difficulties we were all going through. All her life Jen has been quiet, very quiet, and never complains about anything. Her teachers always commented on that." The family knew she wasn’t displaying a complete range of emotion; until her breakdown and subsequent evaluation, they didn’t know why.

Before the breakdown, in the belief that most of Jennifer’s problems were based on learning difficulties, Jennifer and Autumn attended classes together at Brookdale Community College in Lincroft, where the mother hoped to help improve her daughter’s developmental and social skills. The breakdown brought answers, but also a sense of regret, Autumn explained, saying, "I wondered if we had just pushed her too hard because we didn’t realize what was really going on with her."

It seemed as though Jennifer was at the other end of the spectrum from her older sister, Jessie, who was considered gifted and who is now a medical doctor in Manhattan. Autumn described Jessie as a girl in perpetual motion, never still, never quiet, who "absorbed everything like a sponge" and excelled on every level.

For Autumn, having two daughters with "special needs" has been a great challenge. It is sometimes complicated by the clash of American and Chinese cultures. Autumn and her husband, Schuber Fan, are natives of Taiwan, who lived in New York while Schuber, a doctor, completed his residency program at Mt. Sinai Hospital. (He is now a neurologist in private practice.) Nearly 25 years ago the family moved first to Middletown and then to Holmdel, where they still reside.

Autumn explained, "Jennifer’s father has never really come to terms with Jennifer’s condition and has followed the usual Chinese custom of pursuing his profession while I take care of family matters."

As a journalist for Chinese publications, Autumn sometimes felt her English communications skills were not developed well enough to serve her daughter’s needs, but she proved herself wrong as she began to help Jennifer compile the poems into a themed collection.

The poems are expressions of Jennifer’s thoughts, which became easier to write than to express verbally, and provided a kind of therapy as she recovered. They reflect a wealth of introspective intelligence, a reverence for nature, devout religious feelings, and an understanding of her differences. For example, in "Simplicity," she writes:

I know at my age of twenty something,

Supposedly,

I should know a lot.

Knowing things like how to get a job

A boyfriend

Become independent

And deal with the IRS.

I should also know what is going on

In the world

In the nation

In the region

And in local towns.

I should not forget to catch up with

The latest technology

New movies

Fashion

And makeup.

This is an awful lot for me,

Once

All these things get into me,

They get all churned up

And cannot get out of me.

I know at my age of twenty something

Supposedly,

I should know a lot.

But at the mercy of my health condition,

I can only go with simplicity."

The simplicity of Jennifer’s life includes worship and participation at the Monmouth Chinese Christian Church on West Front Street in Lincroft, where she has found understanding and support.

She also attends the Monmouth Center for Vocational Rehabilitation, which provides opportunities to learn a variety of skills. She smiled as she described a typical day at the center, which she begins by punching a time clock, then joining a work station where she has assembled cat toys and collated papers into folders for Merrill Lynch.

After eating a lunch brought from home, Jennifer attends a computer class, where she is considered an excellent participant, and also takes a class designed to teach emotional skills.

Within the confines of her condition, she is making progress but, as Autumn explained, "Her range of emotion will never be the same as [that of] most people. She is unable to express anger. Sometimes it is not possible to tell if she is feeling hurt or sad. We have to accept her condition for what it is and not push too hard."

Jennifer also explained her emotional situation by saying, "God gave me the positives, not the negatives."

The positives include a deep love of nature — especially animals — particularly cats and kittens. She has spent time as a volunteer at the SPCA in Eatontown, and in one of her poems, "I’m a Cat with Nine Lives," she writes, "Inexplicably, I have a deep passion for cats. I wonder if in my previous life I was a cat. People say cats have nine lives. I’ve gone through so much. Maybe I was a cat."

In the foreword for the book of poems, Autumn writes, "Despite the difficulties she has been through, Jennifer is a jewel in our family. She is kind, pure and gentle. She is definitely a special gift from God. Whatever we have experienced or will face in the future, we thank the Lord for her. For He created her; He made us learn and grow through this child."

Cinderella with Wrong Shoes is available at iUniverse, 1-877-823-9235, or through www.amazon.com.